January 30th, 2001

Well, I knew sooner or later I`d start putting my random thoughts back up. I am so sad tonight… I`m just thinking about so many things and just about life in general. What do we live for? That little piece of writing on the bottom… yes, it sounds really good and idealistic, but is it really true? Does it really not matter when nobody calls you? Does it really not matter when you don`t have any friends? I wish that were true. In our society, those who are different are shunned. I don`t even know if I spelled that right. Anyways, why am I so sad? I am sad, because I have a friend, and tonight we had a “fight/argument.” Our first. Before, I always denied to myself the fact that I had some feelings for her, but tonight, the thought of losing her hurt me so bad. I thought a lot about what kind of person I am, about my faults, and how to change them. Is it so important that a person does not have any faults? I know that everybody has faults, and yet I cannot accept the fact that *I* have faults. I miss the days when things were simple, and I knew exactly what I had to do, who I was going to see. Now, I feel so lonely and sad. I`m trying so hard to be positive, because I know that there will be a time in the future when I will be happy again. And yet, even as I say that, in the back of my mind there is doubt. What is my purpose on this planet Earth? Whoever reads this probably thinks that I am crazy. Well, I am not crazy, I just think too much.

January 9th, 2001

New year, new thoughts, out with the old, in with the new. Yeah this page looks a lot less cluttered now, doesn`t it? No more random thoughts… well at least not on here. Go to my personal page to see them old thoughts from last year. I don`t know if I`ll continue putting what I think on here. Call me pessimistic, call me a hater, it just seems like AA is a place for little teenagers looking to hook up with someone. Just check out the forums, see which ones have the most posts, and you`ll see what I mean. Life isn`t just about love and trying to hook up with someone, is it? IS IT?!? I think not!